That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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