are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Don't make out with my wife yet
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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