My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I wear drunk well.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
