I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
