My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
