I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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