dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
