4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
