Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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