why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
