ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
