member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
