well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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