Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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