You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
