ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
