I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
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