She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
