yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
