found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
