I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
