Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
