If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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