took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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