Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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