i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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