chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize