you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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