Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize