Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
