Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
