My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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