I wish my penis had an off switch
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
