I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
