Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
