So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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