Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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