so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
