My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize