Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
