i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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