Pants 0. Shit 1.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
