How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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