I just made out with a guy for $7.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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