the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
