check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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