my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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