TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
