guys are only as good as the porn they watch
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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