Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm both gender and math confused
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
