I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
