areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
