His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
