I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
