Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I wish I only lived at night.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
