Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We were destined to go to rehab together
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
