i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
