Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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