I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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