whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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