drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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