dude i'm inner monologue high
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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