why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize