Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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