I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
